I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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