Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
