i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
