Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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