maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
