the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I puked a lego.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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