Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
