she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
