When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
