i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
