just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
