my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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