Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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