he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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