We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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