I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
operation have a gay friend backfired
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
