I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
