those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
