He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize