White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
