I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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