Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
