i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
