I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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