Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
