Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
