I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
