My first STD was from a foam party
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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