you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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