I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
