She is in my trunk
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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