I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
