Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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