If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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