Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
