i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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