I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
