i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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