You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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