remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
