Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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