u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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