The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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