thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize