glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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