The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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