I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
