i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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