our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You've changed since you got that strap on
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
