That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize