and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
