They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
