I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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