if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
