I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
