Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
