You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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