you inspire me to be a worse person
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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