Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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