I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
