You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
