I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
