bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
