I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
