Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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