Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my shit smells like andre
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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